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Dearest Love,

So many things to write to you about. Tonight.

Last night I forgot something important as I crossed the river. Instead of heading back to finally rest, I went to Saburo's Sushi. Today, however, made up for my self-frustration. I've realized my journey is a beautiful one.

In the beginning, I brought the Illustrated Playing Cards with me to meet you. It forever changed my life. Well, meeting you, of course. Giving you something to do--playing cards, for instance--was a really good idea.

What I'm writing is different than what I initially wanted to write earlier. We're so good at communicating that I don't need to write to you anymore.

I'm sorry to say that I won't see you as often as I'd like to, times are tough. If we were already in the same city, we'd share the same struggle. But I can't consolidate my places. Such is life. I write from the heart. I feel it, do you feel it too?

Loving you and being with you is the challenge our stars have given us. Will we finally end up together? Yes, with certainty. There have been many unrequited loves in the past, that's all. But you were and are the one that showed your love for me the most.

Love is not just a choice, it is also magic with self-healing powers beyond our understanding. I hope you know my journey begins at home, and change is a constant reminder. I hope our paths cross many times in the future.

I want you to come live with me in our loving hut among the spider webs. I know you should be free, free to choose wherever the wind of happiness takes you.

I'm gonna stay here, where the public will shine light on me again. I have to rest. How else am I going to keep up with you?

My recovery begins with change that's customized to fit my build. I was born in the wrong gender, so I like my renaissance hairdo. My father taught me to be a good man. My mother showed me how to love unconditionally. My sister brought theatre into my life, introducing me to stories I never thought I'd hear. They all brought me to you, my North star. My heart longs to fly up there and be with you. But even circumstances won't let us.

Will I ever truly say goodbye in person? What cruel courage can do that to a lovesick puppy? I won't ever remember to say goodbye, but I'll always say, "I'll see you soon!" I'll whimper like the lovesick puppy I am, always wagging my tail after you.

Currently, I am a human sandwich board, it is the 19th of November 2015. I've been at this place officially since the 20th of November 2006.

You've visited here once, this shop of mine. We had to leave the flowers here because you weren't able to take them with you.

Because of my accident last month, I can't remember your favorite flowers. My apologies, Dearest Love. I want to remember, but I can't. But I want to remember you, so please excuse me if I look at you with a serious, and intense, and also affectionate, stare. Because I'll do all I can to remember you.

I'm sure I'll see you again. You're one of my greatest life lessons, and you brought me back to life with your magic. You electrify me like no other. You make me want to breathe again with great strength and awe. Because I am most awesomest.


Cà Rem

(11/19/15 - 8 PM PST)




Dearest Love,

You asked for certainty, and I give you Saburo's Sushi. They'd say to me, "Long time no see!" One of them do. I'm pretty much in their unofficial Hall of Fame, maybe. I linger here because you're not with me. I'd go home immediately if you were home.

People talk of new places and other spots, and maybe I've been there and done that. I've run into family here too. I've had job interviews here. Treated employees here. Figured out how to control my hay fever here.

They ran out of salmon belly sashimi, but the real star is their salmon belly nigiri, which they were out too. It's all the same.

And so I give you certainty, like I tell you over and over again that one day I worked at Saburo's Sushi. One night. I remember over and over again. I'll see you soon.


Cà Rem

P. S. Anh yêu em!

(11/18/15 - 9 PM PST)



Dearest Love,

I don't know who to write to, so I'll write to you. It may be easy and it may be difficult to share, but I'll share anyway. I'm the kind of person that wants to challenge authority by finding my own voice. Be strong somehow.

Not sure what to believe but I know I can finally move on. It's a scary feeling facing someone you love, and telling her, I'm sorry but I'm weak right now. What does it all mean?

It means I want to be strong for you. I want to tell you that I love you so much that through my journey in understanding you, I am working on loving myself.

What is the meaning of life? To breathe. It is that simple.

That is all we have to do. We don't even need to thrive. We don't even need to love ourselves. But since I'm bored, I'm going to accept the challenge of loving myself.

And so I give my heart to the world. I am home.


Cà Rem

(11/8/15 - 9 PM PST)


Dear Doc,

I closed up shop early yesterday because the pain got too much. Ate lots of beef before I unexpectedly got a massage in. Had a healthy dinner afterward that would meet your approval. Did some spiritual cleansing this morning and now I'm back to my routine of eating beef, then another healthy meal. Can eating beef be healthy?

Who knows what being healthy means? For me, I am a modern day explorer and I tell stories along the way. I eat too. Sorry for no pics, sometimes we have to be in the moment.


Cà Rem

P. S. I'll see you soon.

11/8/15 - 11 AM PST


Dear Most Awesomest Attorney In All The Land,

I've been meaning to write to you in this fashion, putting it out there. I guess I never had the courage to do so.

Last night I wanted to write to my partner's best friend I met. Write to my future sister-in-law too. I never sent it. I erased a few drafts to my partner, Dearest Love, too. But I finally got one out there that I'd like.

I wanted to write a good one to my doctor, but it didn't do it justice, the draft. It's not that the position spot of letter writing matters, it's a matter of getting things out there.

I wanted to take a slower pace, but the world wants to rush me. But will they listen to me?

This letter's been delayed until now, not just because of my accident, but because I have too much on my plate. And then I made that phone call to you. To the busiest person in the world.

Even in the process of writing this current letter I've been delayed. No matter what happens right now, with determination even in my current condition, I will send this letter to you via the world.

Yeah, flowers to my attorney isn't enough. Because I value your time.

I like to remind you too, of other tasks, because my previous forgot about me even when we were under contract. I felt so defenseless. Never would I thought now that a lawyer would be batman of the Pacific Northwest!

Of course, I am reminded of good people like my real estate agent. There's only so much one can do for another person.

I'm reminded that everyone should find their own inner batman and act accordingly. Of course, there's this part of me that wants to job shadow you or work under your banner. Be useful to society like you.

How do we ask for our wishes to come true? We must first ask ourselves, can we really do the things we set out to do?

I try to set aside law school, set aside the LSAT, but last night, even when I'm supposed to rest and recover, I sought out answers. I thought I could just focus on Lewis & Clark, but now I am looking into Seattle University. But there is only one? Why not apply to both? Can I really say goodbye to Willamette University? What if I said goodbye to the Pacific Northwest? I need my Saburo's Sushi.

I told everyone to take me there, from time to time, but when is there ever time? The allure of our region, not quite the Wild West. Why are we rushing into things? Maybe it's my industry and my clientele. Maybe it's my dying industry and my hope to salvage whatever customers for me I have left.

Because I'll always have real estate, you'll always be around, I hope. Because I don't know what do to without you sometimes. But even as I am slower than before, I will keep on fighting.

I thought about asking my Personal Injury attorney, he's awesome, because we all have our specialities. I don't know why I didn't leave a voice mail for him. It's exactly like me not knowing whether or not I should go to urgent care or to my regular doctor. Which, by the way, I am proud of scheduling an appointment next week!

I don't want to be that client, but maybe we're all the same. We want things done in a timely fashion. I trust. But I don't trust the mail getting important letters in time. But I have to have faith in a failed system. Slow and archaic, at least they deliver in rain and heavy snow!

There's so many ways to communicate with one another, it's a matter of getting the necessary message across. I'm supposed to see if Marion County got my fax and got my email. Give them a call. Will they extend my investigation? Will my tenants move out in a civilized manner? Will my sale pending still exist?

Living life on credit isn't all that fun, but how else can I pay you? Work off my debt? When will this all end?

But here at the shop I stay, looking for more answers to questions like how we can stabilize the national debt. Because this is where I met my real estate agent. This is where I made the connections to find you. There's no place like home.

Thank you for being you.


Cà Rem (officially known as another name, omitted for confidentiality)



Dearest Love,

I'll see you soon. This morning I picked up the trash in front of my neighbor's place. If I didn't do it, then no one will, or it would take forever for anything to happen.

I've thought about things long and deep, and I've expanded myself to five cities now. It's a stretch but maybe it'll be a living.

I thought of you first, we need more time together, a budding romance. Of course, life's complications get in the way, so we'd have to make do with what we have, and then go above and beyond our own limits and break through ceilings of shelter. Let rain be our water, let the sky be our new shelter. Let our love be the new air we breathe.




(10/22/15, 8 AM PST)


Dearest Love,

"Nothing says I LOVE YOU like FedEx," I used to say. Will love be enough to ride any storm? I'd like to think so. I no longer count the days, the hours, the moments, we're apart. I send my thoughts to you with any possible way I can, whether here or there. I'll see you soon!




(10/17/15, 9 AM PST)


Dearest Love,

Once upon a time, I wrote: "I want to sail around the world with you, and see all the things you want to see. I've seen all that I want to see, so our travels will be easy..." "...The moments we embrace, those are my happiest. I want to sail around the world with you, and I know anywhere with you will be paradise." And I whimper out a tiny roar.

And so I go outside to the world, let them know I'm here. I stay. I wait for you. And some day when I'm strong again, I will go to you and shout out loud: "I'm here, for you!"



(10/15/15, 12 PM PST)


Dearest Love,

Today, someone at the Alberta Co-Op stopped me to ask how much it would be to send a package. I told her that the local post office would be the cheaper option, and for us, it would be such and such amount. I focus on one aspect, and that is giving the best option for myself and for others as well. Doing good and not expecting anything seems so much more free than hoping for the best. That question made me realize, maybe people will miss me when I'm gone.




(10/15/15, 11 AM PST)



- Thanksgiving Day Weekend (November 24-27, 2016)

- Memorial Day Weekend (May 27-29, 2017)


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